|
In Scripting imaginary prison
diaries of Paris Hilton, John Kenny, the LA Times columnist, seems to have had a
ball. First the laughs: having arrived late on Sunday night, Hilton is tired and
asks if she could check into her room immediately. That's when she meets quite
possibly the rudest concierge she's have ever met.
"What kind of hotel forces you to
strip and delouse ?" She asks plaintively, and receives, instead of a robe, a
fabulous orange jump-suit with a cute number on it. Things steadily go downhill
from there. ("What is time ? How do we measure it ? What does it mean ?" I find
these questions on my mind more and more, especially since someone stole my
Audemars Piguet watch. Shame.")
Then she has this epiphany about
famous fellows who went to jail before her: "Gandhi went to prison. So did
Martin Luther King Jr. So did Robert Downey Jr. and Martha Stewart Jr. and I
think Nelson Mandela Jr. Mandela was imprisoned for, like, 50 years or something
for being black and also for driving an uninsured vehicle, if I'm reading
Wikipedia correctly", she muses. "Nicky often mentions me and Gandhi and how
incredibly thin we both are and how she wonders if he used bronzer."
Here's Hilton's Aha-moment: "I
feared prison once. I see it now as a great gift." She also wonders if she'd
have to wait in a chow line. Is there a way around the chow line ? Then she
meets the chow bouncer at whom she tries smile on her way to steamed broccoli
and fried bologna. The bouncer's name is Brick. And she hates Hilton. In another
entry, Brick says to Hilton, "Ya know, I stayed in a Marriott once. And truth be
told, I'd rather stay in prison." "We both laughed," Hilton adds. "And then she
beat me up." That final entry in the fake diary, however, does not elicit
laughs. What it arouses instead is pity. Imagine the spoiled heiress being
beaten to pulp by a female gorilla. Is that our idea of comeuppance today ?
Sure, in an earlier age. Parisians might have separated Hilton's pretty head
from her shoulders with the Guillotine. But then she might have been more likely
to be among the bystanders, rather than under the blade. Whatever her sins
surely Hilton is not beyond redemption. That's the message taught by the fellow
she's shown to be acutely missing in the diaries, but with a twist: (This "Jesus
Christ" was an amazing guy. It's so sad he died so young.") |
