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THE wise closet singer always tests himself before a
bathroom mirror. His lack of talent would be evident should the mirror crack
or recoil in horror like Captain Haddock does in The Castafiore Emerald, the
Tintin comic featuring the Prima Donna Bianca. Should he stop bawling in the
bidet ? Depends on the decibels, density of his epidermis and his sense of
self-esteem. To be a prima Donna you need to have the hide of a rhinoceros,
the ego of Mussolini and the judgement of Paris--which is cheeky
enough to put looks above books and carry off the prize which may be Helen
or Troy or both. In short, it requires oodles of self-esteem, not to forget
years and years of practice behind closed doors. But self-esteem may not
necessarily guarantee peace of mind which may stem from self-respect. The
two concepts seem very similar but the differences between them are crucial.
To esteem anything is to evaluate it positively and hold it in high regard,
but modern soul doctors say evaluation gets us into trouble because while we
sometimes win, we also sometimes lose. To respect something, on the other
hand, is to accept it This may explain why Dagwood is capable of singing
with Blondie, without first rushing to the window to stand on the ledge. He
remains merrily unfazed by his own abysmal lack of talent. He accepts the
way he sings. It does not matter what the dog feels or the post-man thinks.
Dagwood is able to perform without being evaluative or concerned with what
others think.
Acceptance includes other nuances such as learning "to change the
things we can change, accepting the things we cannot change and knowing the
difference between the two." Does Dagwood believe that he could learn to
sing better ? In that case his acceptance is not based on a negative set of
beliefs. Nor is it based on resignation, or a defeatist sense of being
reconciled to the idea that he cannot sing at all. And he remains open to
the possibility of yodelling before an audience of millions of admirers of
his cartoon strip. Such a person simply likes herself--- or himself. This
self-respect is not contingent on success because there are always failures
to contend with. Neither is it a result of comparing ourselves with others
because there is always someone better. Those are tactics usually employed
to increase self-esteem. Self-respect, on the other hand, is a given. You
like yourself because you are That! (Tat tvam asi.) |
