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The start of a new year is
auspicious for certain kinds of amnesia: to forgive and forget old spites,
to resolve not to grow or nurse new ones. Although this sounds simple
enough, how do you absolve a crime in one fell swoop and strike it off the
record as well? Each of the two options-- forgive or forget--would seem
vexing for ordinary mortals. As for achieving complete closure that's for
Supermen and Mahatmas hiding under Clark Kentish striped shirts right? Wrong
says data presented by the Campaign for Forgiveness Research. While
documenting the spiritual and physical benefits of forgiveness, the work
supported by the John Templeton and Fetzer Foundations highlights the
importance of replacing negative emotions with positive ones. It also shows
that the process by which forgiveness occurs is not a simple matter of just
saying sorry or 'I forgive'.
As expected
how societies heal is also a far more complicated issue compared to what
happens between individuals. Stanford researcher Fred Lushkin found, for
example, that forgiveness has nothing to do with making overtures to anyone
else. He illustrates this with a colourful image: "If you keep throwing
yourself against a cactus and getting jabbed, you can't blame the cactus! It
(the situation/he/she) is just standing there being a cactus." But the
crucial component of freeing yourself from the prickly pear situation
entails changing your' grievance story.
At first, it's just your take on the
'you-did-that-you-said-that' story. But after obsessive repetition the
villain grows ever more malign. The problem with such stories is that they
always focus on 'them' -- the shadowy 'others' who loom all too large in
your mindscape --- and on why they won't change or do whatever to resolve
the mess. "That gives them power they shouldn't have," says Lushkin, who's
now brought together Catholics and Protestants from Northern Ireland to test
out his ideas.
The more you handle your
hurt, he adds, the deeper is your stress and lesser your chances of getting
over it. As an antidote, he encourages people to feel grateful for the good
things in their lives. The mind-work is backed by bodywork --- breathing and
positive visualisation exercises, aimed at helping you |
